In my previous article we indicated that men and women often recreate distinct, unique interpretations from similar shared experiences. From a male perspective, when this occurs it frequently culminates in a derisive: “she feels, I think,” reasoning mode as the raison d’etre for “her” opposing conclusions driven. It’s as if these two approaches were polar opposites, leaving each combatant at sea, rather than viewing either method as the gateway to exalted enlightenment about another. Alas, harmony lost.

Unfortunately, put down, knee jerk expressions, such as: “men are emotional Neanderthals” or the similarly dismissive “her hormones are talking,” are hardly rare polite society talk. Humor and boorish contempt aside, it may serve wise to consider the possibility that thinking and feeling pose supportive gateways to a deeper existence.

After all, most feelings and emotions, as well as memories from an early age are deeply embedded within life experience. Does not thinking provide humans the power to separate experience and occurrences, whether glee-full or sorrow-filled? Why draw sharp distinctions between the value of differing instinctive methods for experiencing the universe among us?

Others cultivate increasingly distinct, emotional often times expressive behavior. Let us not draw false conclusions from each observation. No precise, rule of thumb need be ascribed to either response being exclusive “male” or “female” oriented behavior or, more importantly, that one method hold superior to the other. We expect the mathematician to be cognitive, the opera singer in contrast, to provide a plethora of emotions. Typically, these characterizations generate no discomfort when ever aired to the public. Why the apathy however, when presented in male vs female format? At times, I ponder about contrasting points of view as a black and white means of dichotomy. Are they similar or opposing? They can move seamlessly free in either direction. They are best, however, when operating in unison, when allowed to embrace, caress or grasp an object. Abetted by the aid of a human eye.

Add the mind and heart to this equation and quite simply you will discover magnificent, multi dimensional composed performances, innocent lives recovered from operating tables, and many all over expressing love for another.. No polar opposites here–simply concord between two highly evolved collaborative instruments of the human body. Are harmonious opposites adaptable to the creation of natural, spirited conversation, benefiting both sex’s strengths, rather than off-putting male vs. female classification misleading? One would hope so.

The world would be infinitely better as a result, and peace between the sexes increasing in ever-flowing abundance.

Dr. Jerome Leff

Got thoughts or opinions on this topic? A helpful anecdote you want to share? Feel free to leave a comment below.

PARC © 2008. PARC (Park Avenue Relationship Consultants) is a group of highly trained and experienced New York relationship therapists with private offices in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Riverdale and Long Island. PARC’s skilled and compassionate therapists have over 30 years of experience working with couples, families, and individuals. Call us today for an immediate consultation at (917) 340-7592 or visit