In our last article, we approached the significant grapple the past often inflicts upon present thoughts, emotions and actions. This behavior pattern, better known as transference, can exist in both conscious and unconscious states of mind.
Let us first remember the “givens”, the set of established rules greatly affecting any human behavior. Attributing them to our innate genetic, emotional make-up, they inherently determine how we process daily day to day occurrences. However, when we talk of female and/or male behavior, it’s simple to fall into the danger of generalizing and stereotyping the pair. Though not necessarily sex linked, these generalities, ever so often—are.
Imagine an eagle, soaring hundreds of feet above the stratosphere, peering through the clouds at two mortals, each wearing baseball caps– would it be able to decipher sexual difference? Unlikely. Although I assure, in any argument with my wife over perceptions, she can and will claim to decode the man/woman peculiarity.
As a man, I perceive myself to be cognitive, intelligent and reasonable. Raising my voice in anger, driving my point home in arguments, are acts I avoid tirelessly. Not her. Heartfelt emotions dictate her mode of expression regularly. I recall traveling one afternoon in our car, allowing myself to take exception to my wife’s point of view. In pure exasperation I exclaimed, “For God’s sake, will you be reasonable!” She slyly turned towards my face and piped in sarcasm, “Reasonable? You are the famous analyst, isn’t that your job? I clearly don’t need to be.” After a fierce stab of anger, laughter erupted from my gut. We are different. I know what I think and she knows what she feels.
This can present a source of contention, yet our partners need not act or react in a similar fashion as we do. They should merely resemble us. She brings emotional fiber, timber and insight to my life, and I in return hope to offer understanding, intellect and level headedness to the table. Separately we have clear, strong identities, but, considered jointly I hear the tone of music increasingly distinct, making our lives both rich and full. Let’s name this complimentary, an important component of any successful human partnership.
Got thoughts or opinions on this topic? A helpful anecdote you want to share? Feel free to leave a comment below.
PARC © 2008. PARC (Park Avenue Relationship Consultants) is a group of highly trained and experienced New York relationship therapists with private offices in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Riverdale and Long Island. PARC’s skilled and compassionate therapists have over 30 years of experience working with couples, families, and individuals. Call us today for an immediate consultation at (917) 340-7592 or visit parkavenuerelationshiptherapy.com.
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