Do second marriages work better than first marriages? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The choice of a life partner is complex and based on a myriad of issues: sexual attraction, shared goals and interests, ability to communicate and feeling understood by the other, to name a few. Conflicts may not begin to surface until nine months or a year into the relationship only to increase when the couple decides to: 1) move in together, 2) decide to marry. This is made more complicated when children from the previous marriage are added to the mix. The financial stress of living in a city like New York while offering many opportunities, is enormous Add to this possible alimony and child support payments. Couples in such a situation require tremendous support and understanding from each other in order to make it work,

One may well ask “why do we keep repeating patterns from the past?” The answer may elude us but is really quite simple. There are always unconscious determinants at play that get played out in any intimate relationship. One’s choice of partner is impacted by early childhood experiences with significant others such as our parents and while we may be determined not to repeat one’s parent’s marriage, the influence is there. The more aware one is of what may have caused the first marriage to fail, together with greater maturity, the greater the chances of succeeding the second time around.

Dianne Heller Kaminsky, LCSW, BCD

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