Who said living together is easy? How often have I heard: “he comes home, goes to his computer, or turns on the TV to hear the news even before he takes off his coat,” or “she’s always on the phone talking to her mother or her girlfriends” or “she’s not the girl I married.” While communication and learning how to listen are by their very nature difficult tasks, today with cell phones, ipads, iphones, computers and every other form of electronic device, couples no longer talk to each other face to face. The number of distractions are endless. Couples come into a marriage with a Hollywood perception of what a relationship is supposed to be. Determined not to repeat the model set for them by their parents while growing up, they find themselves, lo and behold, repeating their parent’s model of a relationship. How did this happen? Many couples, disappointed in their partner, act out, outside the relationship, seeking other partners, further undermining any chance at intimacy. Trying to listen and to hear what your partner is saying is a difficult task and hard work, but can be done. To use an old cliché, “take time to smell the Roses.”

Dianne Heller Kaminsky, LCSW, BCD

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