So, it’s finally over. There is no more “we” or “us”, only “me” and “you”. Dealing with a breakup can be a shattering experience. How do you go about rebuilding yourself after a relationship ends? Where do you even start?

When we mourn the dissolution of a relationship, we may feel fractured and drained of confidence. Our mind, heart and body are battling conflicting feelings, an emotional free-for-all that is both exhausting and debilitating.

The journey back to is a long road filled with challenges that will come at you every which way. Coping with these feelings can feel like an unpaid, full time job.

However, the long and winding road of healing will be an easier path if you keep a few things in mind.

1. Ask Yourself…Who Am I and Who Do I Want To Be?

When you are in a relationship, it’s easy to blend your personality into that of your significant other. During the tenure of the relationship, you introduce each other to new things resulting in a different view of the world. At the end of your relationship, you may be feeling disoriented and asking yourself, “Who am I really? And who do I want to be?”

Take stock of the elements of your life that you hold dear and then look outside yourself and find what you need to in order to become the person you’d like to be.

Take the proverbial “first step” towards who you want to be by setting goals for yourself, thinking outside the box and trying new things. Travel somewhere you’ve never been before, or take up a challenging new hobby. Once you get going, you will have taken the essential first step towards healing yourself.

2. Don’t Be A Shut-In

The emotional and physical pain that one feels when a relationship ends can be difficult and harsh. It’s tempting to stay indoors, hide away and cut yourself off from the outside world.

While this may be comforting for a time, it’s no way to begin healing. Rather than shying away from the world, connect with the outside world and open your heart to the love you deserve. Reconnect with old friends or visit family. By socializing and opening up, you will be better able to rehabilitate your heart.

3. Give Yourself The Time You Deserve

You often hear formulas about how long you should grieve before you are able to get over a breakup. A popular one is half of however long the relationship was is the time you will need to get over the end of the relationship. Whether or not this is the case, you have to let the grieving process carry out its natural progression.

Avoid the frustration you feel when you wake up in the morning and still feel the pain from the previous day. By letting the grieving process carry out, you will be giving your heart the time it needs to properly heal itself.

4. Look In Yourself for Strength

A relationship ending can be one of the most traumatic events of one’s life. Whatever pain you may be feeling during this time, please note that the knowledge, strength and wisdom you will acquire at the end of this will only serve to make you a stronger person.

By going through a traumatic event, you will build emotional muscles you did not even know were possible following the journey of becoming a more wise and smart person.

5. Don’t Hold It In!

It goes without saying that pain can cause damage; the effects that one feels because of this can be long-standing. With this in mind, it’s important to let your feelings be known when you feel them percolating inside you.

Whether this takes the form of speaking to someone or writing in a journal, letting your feelings out is an important part of the grieving process. Let out the fire so that the flames burn out before they hurt you.

Trying to find yourself can and will take some time. Trying to force any facet of the process will leave you frustrated and unfulfilled. What you can do is try to strike a balance between dealing with the negative thoughts and building the new you. Give yourself time, keep your chin up and embrace the happiness you deserve with open arms.