Relationships have their ups and downs. It’s normal that we sometimes feel disconnected to the people we love the most. The good news is that if you feel out of touch with your partner it doesn’t mean it’s the beginning of the end. Intimacy in a relationship is something you can work on and revitalize. So don’t get discouraged! Instead, try some of the techniques below.
- Don’t Talk
You’ve probably heard that communication is one of the pillars to a strong relationship and although this is true, sometimes words just don’t cut it. Try taking a break from conversation to connect with your partner in other ways.
Here are a few simple things you can do together in silence that make a big difference:
- Make Eye Contact: Eye contact is a very powerful thing. It can makes us feel vulnerable, open, and connected to one another. Put everything else away and gaze into each others eyes.
- Breathe: Lie down next your partner and get face-to-face. Start taking deep and calm breaths. Then try synchronize your breath. Spend at least a few minutes doing this.
- Touch: You don’t have to have sex to feel close to your partner. A great way to foster intimacy is to touch each other just for the sake of it with no particular goal in mind. Try taking a nap in each others arms, cuddling while watching a movie, and massaging each other.
- Have Deeper Conversations
It’s easy to fall into the same conversation patterns with the people you spend a lot of time with. Maybe you ask the same questions every day or you don’t ask questions anymore because you think you already know the answer. The reality is that everyone changes over time and there’s always more to learn.
You can try asking each other unique personal questions to make your conversations more interesting and intimate. Here are a few examples:
- What would you say to your younger self?
- What would you say to your older self?
- If you could make three wishes for someone else, who would you make the wishes for and what would you wish for them?
- What are some things that you’ve done that you’re proud of? What are some things you aren’t proud of?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- What would be a perfect day for you?
When asking these questions you’ll probably be surprised at what you find out. It’s a fun and exciting way to spend an evening with your partner, and will foster a wonderful new sense of intimacy.
- Try New Things
A great way to feel closer to someone is to try something neither of you have ever done before together. Feeling excitement, perhaps a little bit fear, and curiosity will work wonders for feelings of intimacy! Maybe you discover your partner has a hidden talent. Or maybe you go on a trip together and realize they’re flexible and patient in ways you’ve never noticed before. Sometimes seeing someone react to different environment and a new situation reminds you about all the wonderful qualities they already have that you might have taken for granted.
Don’t worry if you don’t have the time or means for a weekend getaway or the chance take a cooking course or dance lesson. Here are some simple things you can try:
- Take a long bath or shower together.
- Cook a dinner that you’ve never tried before.
- Read the same book and discuss it.
- Read out loud to each other.
- Take turns planning date nights. Let your partner surprise you and surprise them.
- Take turns teaching other something. Take the time to learn about what interests your partner and then teach them about something you love.
The Final Word
Couples who have been together a long time sometimes take each other for granted. Then all of the sudden it hits them: it’s been too long since they’ve spent quality time together. Feeling close to someone you love doesn’t happen like magic. You have to put some work into it. So don’t feel bad if it’s awkward or hard at times. Keep trying. The result will be incredibly rewarding!
PARC © 2017. PARC (Park Avenue Relationship Consultants) is a group of highly skilled and experienced NYC relationship therapists working with individuals, couples, and families. We have private office locations in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Riverdale, and Long Island. Each PARC therapist has extensive clinical training and experience, and is fully licensed and certified by New York State. Privacy and confidentiality are guaranteed. Out-of-network only. For more information, please call PARC at (917) 340-7592 or visit parkavenuerelationshiptherapy.com.